hooray hooray....
new years is coming soon....
since this year was so sucky so i'm guessing that next ought to be AWESOME!!!
hehehehe.....


Missing my friends....
but i'm still battling my own insecurities....
its not easy u to make something last forever....
to maintain something so fragile...

it takes both sides to make something work....
but if the other party isn't interested then what to do...

hmmmmmm........



any hoot!!



Back to happier things....
i'm going on holiday this sunday to MElaka!! yay!

unfortunately me still broke....
hehehe...
but its aite... because i need a break....


=))


new year... new beginnings... fresh opportunities.... a whole new outlook on life....




i must make the best of it now....
now it really is my life and the choices i make from here on forth will determine where i end up...

wish me luck...=pp

SURVEY I



1. Say something about your love life.
# what love life?

2. Fave songs as of now?
# Rihanna- Rehab/ Beyonce-Single Ladies

3. Fave TV show as of now?
# as of forever..One Tree Hill

4. Last person u hug?
# my mami

5. Most expensive object you bought with your own money?
# pizza....

6. Yosi or beer?
# neither... ucksss...

7. What happened last night?
# i dozed off on the couch...

8. Have u ever fallen in love with a best friend?
# Yes..


9. What song is currently playing?
# Nothing..

10. Any pets? What are their names?
# R.I.P

11. Do u have a best friend?
# yes...

12. Crush?
# nope.

13. Which do u prefer? KFC or McD?
# McD.

14. Favorite sport/s?
# shopping

15. Ever broken someones heart?
# I think so. sorry

16. Ever had your heart broken?
# duh.


17. What did you do after u had ur broken heart?
# Learn.

SURVEY II

1. Any problem?
# Loads. want to help me solve em?

2. Your main ring tone?
# Sexy Naughty Cheeky!


3. What were you doing at 12am last?
# i dozed off.

4. Who was the last person you went out with? Where?
# San San and MAy to One Utama

5. Color of the shirt you're wearing now?
# Maroon and Black

6. The last thing you did?
# stop a silly argument

7. Three of your favorite items?
# My phone, my tv and my ring

8. The color of your bedroom?
# Green

9. How much money do you have in your wallet??
# rm 80 something...


10. How's life?
# boring

11. Hiphop or emo?
# emo

12. What will you do next weekend?
# go out with joyciekins...

13. When was the last time you saw your ex?
# about a month ago

14. Where is he/she now?
# like i would know

15. When was the last time you talked to your bestfriend?
# last nite

16. Who is the last person that texted you today?
# mami

17. Where did you have dinner last night?
# Home..

18. The last surprise you got?
# my job

19. Last thing you borrowed from your friends?
# pendrive

20. What will your wedding song be?
# i haven't the slightest clue..

22. Why is that?
# Cause I doubt that day will arrive.

23. Wanna share with who?
# what the?

24. Who knows your secret?
# Only me.

25. Do they keep it the way you do?
# duh.

27. Are you angry with someone?
# I'm always angry at someone. =DDD.

28. What do you order at McD?
# Nuggets or Cheeseburga

29. The last time you felt sad?
# two seconds ago.

30. What is your wish for tomorrow?
# sales!

For nearly one year of my life, i spent it devoting myself to a cause that drained me mentally and emotionally, wanting so much to be a good friend and often being called the peacemaker , it astonishes me at how the tables have turned .


One problem.


My problem.


It triggered so many back lashes and back stabbings .


Everyone was everyone's enemy and I the innocent bystander.


Overwhelming hypocrisy then made everyone friends again and i became public enemy number one.


Ungrateful shitpots...



I treated them better than i did my own family...



I made all of them my number one priority and at the stumbling point of my social circle, i became a social stigma.



I fell off cloud nine and landed on thorny bushes....



only to realise that with each passing day more pricks were piercing through my skin.



For no apparent reason whatsoever they all despised me...



Continuously and faithfully they find in every worm hole more more reasons to condemn my very existance...



and i am the fool that often allows the hurt to reach my heart..



Because there is where i placed these people, thinking they were my friends.



Little did i know that they exploited me for their own sick pleasure and they are happily reaping the harvest from their commendable hypocrisy.



Their harvest is my misery and what sad excuse for a human they are to take joy from my pain...



Aman, the worst of the lot.

At some point, everyone disliked her and then she made her way up by putting everyone else down. The only thing i did was to reveal her baseless taunting and for that one reason alone...she hates me.....

Sad excuse of a so called religious muslim . She condemned other people's lifestyle and said it was all due to lack of fear of God and she is happily bad mouthing and spreading terrible lies about me and has yet to ever confront me..

The coward...

Damn Kampung mentality....

Avoids confrontation , prefers talking behind my back...

Haziqah, Mimie and Yang.., the three cowardly followers..

Innocently faced but deadly venomous...

Friends for benefits only...

Also preachers without practice...

A sad pathetic lot that insults each other when the other is away...

I feel sorry for them because they will never really know the meaning of true friendship...

Ad

The one with the ability to do the most damage to me...

Thankfully she has not used her ability to the maximum as of yet...

She was the closest to my heart.

Not once did i ever deny her, knowing the dire consequences...

She was my greatest care and therefore my biggest dissapointment.

I thought, hoped and prayed that she of all of them realised who her friends were of at least appreciated true friendship. I sacrificed everything for her and almost lost everything. I was brave enough to fight for my 'friends' but she to this very day is too afraid to be seen with me because of the evil eyes in my classroom.

She fears losing them.

The same people that condemned her lifesyle and brought her to tears...

She chose them over me, the one that braved all odds to defend her...

I'm not the kind of person to hate...
as a matter of fact... people who know me know that i do not have an ounce of hate in me...
just dissapointment,frustration and pain...
late last year, my mom sis and i were reunited with my dad's side of my family...
at the time it sounded great and so it seemed as well...
i was with my godmother, grandmother and papa...
we were happy to some extent but ugly cn't be hidden forever...
so recently all their uglies revealed themselves when they slowly heartlessly murdered my papa...
they neglected him, they couldn't give a rat's ass about him...
he was sick and they left him for dead...
he went hipo and in to a koma...
it was so depressing because one week before all these happened he was in IJN telling us how happy he was to be hospitalised because there he is fed!!!
how sad is that when an elderly man takes comfort in a hospital instead of his own home...
unfortunately at that time my mother was financially incapable to take him in so we couldn't do much...
but we did our best by bringing food to him as much as we could...
but it wasn't enough...
he died on 11/12/08...
he went home one week before...
they killed him...







the entire ordeal was too much for me...
but despite all that i still wanted to do his eulogy because i knew he would've wanted me to...
but again they striked....
they replaced both my sis and i with a powerpoint!!!
it was heartbreaking especially for my sis....
she actuallly went up to his potrait and said her peace....
it rained as the hearst was brought in....
my mum said it meant that a good man has passed...
it was so beautiful in that sense....
so many people came to pay their respects...
he was a good man...
i remember how cute he was...
i miss him so much....
i love my papa....



i am angry with those people called family of mine that didn't give me the chance to say my goodbyes to him properly...

i am not sure that i cn forgive them for that....



what i do know is.... i will miss my papa so much....





and those people will no longer be apart of our lives....



we gave them a chance and they did was try to drag us in to hell....





and thats that....

well.....
this isn't something unexpected...
as a matter of fact i'd say its predestined....
and its not tht i'm unhappy with the whole arrangement....
at least i have something to completely occupy my time....
its just that my life is back to becoming a routine again...
and its bleady frustrating....
i wake up at 5, get home by 9.....
only diffrence fromm school is the longer hours and the quite uncomfortable work environment...
its not that the people here are unfreindly... the guys and gals in the big seats are all very nice and all... but because i'm the new girl they just haven't warmed up to me....
and the worst part is that my annoying bratty lil sista is working in the same office with me....
nothing could be more horrendous than these very moments that she spills information about me that i DO NOT WANT THE WHOLE WORLD to know....
i guess it doesn't help that i'm pathetically wearing utterly uncomfortable clothing just to fit in...
and my idiotic sista is making a mockery at my every attempt...
fitting in here is not as easy as i would've hoped...
sad to say my attempts have failed....
but that does not mean that i have given up....
on the contrary i'm just going to try harder....
although the most upsetting thing is that some people here don't even give me a chance...
they just don't like me because apparently they are afraid i'd take their jobs...
which is honestly plain silly because i'm working here just to get money so i cn shop and party....
idon't want anyone's job... this is just a temporary gig for me...
so i hope that people here will warm up to me soon....
as if i didn't have enough school life drama now i have to put up with ridiculous work drama....
anyways... thats all i have to say about this la.....
OMG!!! i just saw the most beautiful bouquet with a pink teddy bear!!!!
Lucky woman....
so beautiful....i meant the flowers....=pp

Looky looky i've got a job~~~
heeheehee.....