Obviously ive given up the boob related titles..
due to pretty understandable reasons...
my current state rite now is misery thanks to being ignored by a loved one...
hmm.. its like this...
i'm kinda crushing on this person lets call this person A..
A.. is sometimes the sweetest and most cutest person in the world to me..
but once A's petsistas are around...
i'd be lucky if A evn looked my way...
We go out together and before tht A insists tht i wear decent clothings and shoes...
ok fine.. i subdue to A's wishes...
then when we go out... not only i am i not bothered by A...
But A treats me like i'm noone..
its my fault i guess tht i'm dissapointed with A..
its not like A claimed to like me nor care about me...
i just figured as much because we were friends..
i never thought i meant so lil to A...
I guess its karma...
One day of absolute happiness in exchange for unexplainable sadness the nxt time i go out with A...
I should stop hoping we could be anything more than friends...
i should also stop constantly thinking about A...
as matter of fact.. i really should avoid A entirely to stop the pain i'm feeling...
what does it matter to A if i'm in A's life or not...
obviously i mean nothing more than the doormat A walks over...
i only exist when im needed...
other than tht..
im nothing to A...
I hate that i love u A...
it pains me so much..
u cn't even imagine..
i bet u would laugh if u knew tht i loved u..
laugh in success over your conquest...
which is why i must nvr let u know...
i'm afraid after the laughter.. u will no longer be my friend..
things would be weird... and thts the last thing i want rite now..
especially not this year...

This feels like some sick joke...
And God is hvin one helluva time makin me his personal clown...
The very thing i consider my assets...
my prized treasures...
are the very things tht could eventually do me in...
the very illness i hv is a damn joke...
i literally laughed when the doctor told me wht it was...
i never even knew such a thing could happen...
i guess thts irony for ya...

Its been awhile since i had the time not to mention the proper internet connection to bother to write on this blog...
Picking up where i last left off... i was sent away for a week.. and i came bck...
It was miserable but bareable...
right now i'm actually having my mid year....
but i just thought i'd release stress by writing on my blog...
This post is like long overdue anyways....
I'm kinda like in a lotta crossroads in my life right now...
so many decisions to make... too many hearts to break.. its becoming increasingly frustrating...
i'm not ready to be serious and i just dont understand why my friends are hell bent on
making me commit in to serious affairs...
like lay off people.. isnt that like suppose to be my choice to make..
shouldn't i be the one who decides when i am ready for anything...
i am struggling with numerous respondsibilities and obligations and wrestling with my own messed up feelings... anyone who gets involved with me is surely in for an emotional tornado...
good luck suckers... don't say i never warned ya..
and to those that have managed to put up with all my idiocracies....
Thanks for hanging on.. i love you guys alot...